Today, this blog-it’s a little sad for me, a familiar feeling of grief tinged with a little bit of failure.

As a child growing up, I was fortunate enough to have parents who understood and supported my fascination with animals-we had cats, dogs, horses, fish and even the occasional flock of orphaned ducklings.  At an early age, I was made well aware of the feelings of loss, grief and profound sadness associated with losing a pet.  It varied with intensity-but regardless, big or small it was there.

As I have aged, I am still overcome with sadness when I lose a pet, and a deep sense of failure-as if I could have predicted the future and created a better outcome. As an adult, the grown rational side of you understands the loss and the “whys”, but your heart still feels overwhelming sadness.

Yesterday, I was reunited with these all too familiar feelings-in the most unsuspecting of places.

Our rooster, Nugget had wandered off of his many acre farm and was killed by the neighbors dog.  He was raised with our dogs, who are completely trustworthy with the birds.  When we relocated him to his new home (we aren’t able to house roosters in our neighborhood, due to the proximity of other homes and a roosters propensity for screaming in the wee hours of the morning), it was also home to 3 other trustworthy dogs-he wasn’t raised to have (what I now believe is a healthy) fear of dogs.

This is the first chicken I’ve lost, and I certainly did not think I would be as upset as I was.  Darn, it hit me right in the feels.  I truly believe you have a personal responsibility to all animals you choose to bring into your home and life, regardless of if they are pets or producers.  I have responsibility in the end, and let this little guy down.

Looking forward, I don’t see that it will get any easier- but these things happen, especially when raising livestock.  You do your best to protect and care for them-but inevitably these things happen.

There is so much care, time and love that goes into raising livestock and produce. You are hit with a bit of defeat every time a plant dies or doesn’t produce the way you think it should, all the time you spend tending to them seems wasted.  Then, the next morning when you’re collecting dozens of eggs or canning pounds of tomatoes- it all feels great, and makes perfect sense and you’re filled with happiness.  I cannot imagine the rollercoaster larger scale farmers ride, it makes me respect their process so much more.

See ya on the flip side Nugget-thanks for the lessons.